Descriptive Writing

Good writers can create a picture in their readers’ minds.

They can do this by:

  • using interesting vocabulary
  • elaborating on details
  • showing, rather than telling, some of the details
  • describing all five senses (what can be seen, heard, tasted, felt and smelt)
  • using lots of adjectives (describing words)
  • using metaphors or similies to compare two things
  • using synonyms (words with similar meanings) to make interesting word choices.

Found Blur Motion

The students in 4KM and 4KJ were given the following short, uninteresting recount.

Miss Jordan and Mrs Morris went to the beach. They put down their things and went for a swim. They sat on the sand. Then they went home. 

The children were asked to edit the writing to make it more interesting. They only had a short amount of time to do this but many students did a great job of creating a mind picture for their readers.

Here are some improved recounts by Ella, Harry, Logan M, Paris, Millie and Rochelle.

Could you leave a comment with your own improved description of the beach recount?

Do you have any tips for making writing more descriptive?

Turning Sounds into Words

4KM and 4KJ have been doing some more descriptive writing this week.

Yesterday they listened to this rainforest soundtrack while trying to put into words what they were picturing in their heads. The students couldn’t watch the video, just listen.

Maha: The birds chirping sounds like a pleasant whistle and the thuder is deafening. The wind is absolutely calm and it makes the chirps sound light and soft. The rain sounds like it is hitting the bank of a river. As the water rushes down the bank, it makes a relaxing sound.

Brandon: Birds are chirping in trees as you are hearing a small waterfall in play. Small drips come down from trees as small storms rumble the earth. There is a soothing sound of wind floating through the trees. Gently, pieces of water go up through the tide while a storm grows louder and louder. Raindrops now pelt down on the water.

Jess: Birds are chirping with the sound of thunder in my eardrums. I can hear the sound of trees rustling with thunder through it. The birds are like a song in my mind and it feels like they want to wake me up. Rain is pouring down with a couple of little tip taps. The tapping of the rain is very loud and clear.

Today the students listened to a different soundtrack and tried to describe what they were hearing and imagining.

Thomas: Noisy trains pull up at the big train station. Someone is puffing and panting through the city. A lot of loud music plays in the beautiful streets. Cars rumble right through the busy city as people talk really loudly. People are honking horns in their big cars as children and parents run through the crowded streets.

Iesha: Noisy people are chatting on the freeway as lots of ear piercing trucks screech by. A loud wedding in a tall church plays music. Lots of honking horns come from bad tempered drivers. The long traffic jams make people late for work, plane rides and school.

Travis: The angry policeman chases the streets after a man who just ran a red light. People trip as the man pushes them out of the way. Cars screech their brakes as the man dodges traffic and runs across the road. 

What did you think of our descriptive writing?

What adjectives did you see in the students’ writing?

Can you write a description of one of the soundtracks?