Descriptive Writing

Good writers can create a picture in their readers’ minds.

They can do this by:

  • using interesting vocabulary
  • elaborating on details
  • showing, rather than telling, some of the details
  • describing all five senses (what can be seen, heard, tasted, felt and smelt)
  • using lots of adjectives (describing words)
  • using metaphors or similies to compare two things
  • using synonyms (words with similar meanings) to make interesting word choices.

Found Blur Motion

The students in 4KM and 4KJ were given the following short, uninteresting recount.

Miss Jordan and Mrs Morris went to the beach. They put down their things and went for a swim. They sat on the sand. Then they went home. 

The children were asked to edit the writing to make it more interesting. They only had a short amount of time to do this but many students did a great job of creating a mind picture for their readers.

Here are some improved recounts by Ella, Harry, Logan M, Paris, Millie and Rochelle.

Could you leave a comment with your own improved description of the beach recount?

Do you have any tips for making writing more descriptive?

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23 thoughts on “Descriptive Writing

  1. Dear 4Km and 4KJ,

    I loved doing the activity today ( Beach Recount. ) I loved all of the students reacount, they were qulity.

    My Recount:

    On Sunday Morning Mrs Morris and Miss Jordan woke up and looked out the window and said it looks like a nice day to go to the beach. So they all got ready and packed the car and off they went. Miss Jordan said in car, ‘we should go to the Eastern Beach and have a swim and a relaxful time.’ Mrs Morris said ‘why not?’when tey got there in took 30 seconds to find a car par. When they found there spot they unloaded the car but when Mrs Morris said ‘have we unloaded everthing?’ Miss Jordan said ‘yep we sure have’. Mrs Morris said ‘do we have sunscreen?’ Miss Jordan said ‘no I forgot it.’
    Mrs Morris said ‘oh no!’…………………..

    No sorry I do not have any tips right now.

    Bye for now.

    From,
    Keira. 😆

    • Hi Keira,

      I have a tip for you, don’t use
      then a lot cause bit boring
      (I’m not saying your’s is boring)

      I didn’t finish my recount of Miss Jordan and Mrs Morris went to the beach.

      I like doing recounts, do you like doing recounts.

      Kind Regards,
      Leigh

    • Hi Keira,
      I like your recount it seems interesting and fun to read. ♥ ♥

      Great comment by the way and Eastern Beach does sound nice! Millie and I’ve been there before for a swim.

      I was even lucky to get my recount on the blog!
      Who was your favorite?

      From,
      P♥ris

    • Dear Keira,

      Great comment. I liked trying to make just a normal sentance into something really interesting.

      I can’t wait to do something like this again because it was lots of fun. the blog is a great place for us to put on work that we do during class.

      I also think yours was a great one and it was a good idea that you put it on the blog. It would have taken you a while to type it on the blog wouldn’t it? Anyway it was good and that’s the main thing.

      I have to go now and I would love a reply.

      From Olivia

  2. Hi 4KM and 4KJ,
    Great post and thanks for letting me put mine on the blog.

    It was really fun to do, and I especially loved Millie’s. It was descriptive and had many interesting words in it and it was a surprise that she got so much done in only about 10 minutes!:P

    When I wrote mine I was trying to think of interesting words and I found some that I used my writing.

    These are my interesting words:
    .slimy
    .wet
    .slippery
    .hot
    .cold
    .smeared
    and if you can find some more, please leave a reply and tell me.

    From,
    Paris

    • Dear Year 4
      l love the wordle. It’s so cool how you turned the words into links.l also loved Millies description. It had so many words done in ten minutes that’s amazingly good job Millie.
      from Veronique

  3. Hi 4KM and 4KJ,

    The student recounts were all very well presented and well written.

    This is my recount:

    It was a beautiful day and, Miss Jordan and, Mrs Morris decided they would go down to Ocean Grove beach.

    The sand was golden and bright. They put down their pink, yellow and blue fluoro coloured towels. They then went for a swim, once they got out they dried off and drove home.

    Once they got home they were shattered that they came home. After two hours the weather was humid and hot.

    The End.

    Best regaurds.
    Mitchell

  4. Dear 4KM and 4KJ,

    I love this post. I liked that activity even though I didn’t really finish mine.

    Here is my beach recount:
    Miss Jordan and Mrs Morris woke up and saw that it was a beautiful day, they decided to go to the beach. Once they got to the beach they put their washed, clean towels on the sand. They said to each other that they were bored and started to read a book. After a while they jumped in the cold water and swam around till they had had enough. Once they had wiped themselves off they went home and had another rest.

    I tried to make it interesting enough, I hope you enjoyed reading it. I like reading Millie’s, Paris’s and Harry’s. They are very interesting, I liked one of Millie’s sentences, it was: They both walked into the ocean and smiled as the cool water lapped around there feet, very descriptive, and I like how she put the word lapped.

    I don’t have any tips for you, sorry. But I will just say make sure you put interesting words in you writing! 🙂

    Happy blogging, and well done to Millie, Paris and Harry!

    Kind Regards,
    Meg 😛 😎

    • Hey Meg,
      Great comment!

      That is a cool recount and I hope that you keep writing like that!♦ ♥

      By the way I have to say that you always write a really good comment, there descriptive and interesting and same with your normal writing!&hearts 🙂

      If you can see up above there are some interesting words I pointed out.

      From,
      Paris
      P.S Here is a link to my blog: http://parisw.global2.vic.edu.au/

  5. Dear 4KM and 4KJ,

    wow isn’t it amazing how we can do so much with just a sentance that we got. I think this is a really cool post and there is lots of interesting words in the ones that did go onto the blog.

    The ones that did go on the blog had so many interesting words and I could sit there reading them all day long. i like the way Millie really described how the day was,where they thought was a good spot to sit,(In the shade) how hot the weather was,what time they were going to go and how the water felt.

    I got to finish mine and I thought it was pretty good but when I read the ones that went on the blog today I was blown away. I’m not saying mine was bad or good I thought every ones was good and there was so many words that that describe how the weather was and all of the other stuff like that.

    If mine got on the blog then I would have had to of read the other ones that people did to get me a much better idea of how many interesting words to use and what type. I will say this again but this was a really cool post.

    Now I have a couple of questions for anybody who wants to answer them:
    If yours got onto the blog how exited would you be and what type of interesting words would you use?
    Who would you show if yours went on the blog?

    Hope to hear from you soon and I would love a reply,
    From Olivia 4KJ

  6. Dear 4KM and 4KJ,

    Wow what a great post about descriptive writing.

    I did a very long recount.

    Miss Jordan and Mrs Morris woke up and said to themselves, that it looks like it’s a beautiful day to go to the beach. Mrs Morris called Miss Jordon and asked her if she wanted to go to the beach. Miss Jordon said yes. Where do you want to meet? Will meet at the Petrol Station in Leopold.

    Mrs Morris packed the car and drove down to the Petrol Station. While Mrs Morris was waiting she read her book. When Miss Jordon got there Mrs Morris asked if she wanted to come in her car? Miss Jordon said yes.

    When they got to the beach they unloaded the car. They walked down and there and saw all the lovely waves. Mrs Morris grabbed her bogie board and caught some waves so did Miss Jordon. They sat down to catch their breath.

    I still haven’t fished it yet.

    What did you recon about my recount ❓

    From your blogging buddy,
    Liam
    PS Please check out my blog. Heres the link: http://liamr.global2.vic.edu.au

  7. Dear 4KM and 4KJ,

    Hi it’s me Charlotte!

    I love every ones writing but I loved Millie’s the best she put in the best descriptive writing.

    Sorry I don’t have that much time to write a story The bell just went for Lunch!

    Bye for now,

    Charlotte 😆

    P.S Sorry my comment was so short!

  8. Dear students,
    I am very impressed by your revisions of the story. I could feel the hot sand, and see the black sunglasses and hear the screech of the sea gull.
    I just have one question. What are bathers?

    Curious is Seattle,
    Mrs. Hembree

    • Dear Mrs Hembree,

      Great comment. I also liked the recounts they were all very outstanding and descriptive. I love making recounts, they are so much fun.

      Regards.
      Mitchell

    • Greetings Mrs. Hembree,
      I am impressed with my classmates to!
      There suuuuuper interesting.
      Do you think Millies and the others were great?
      Millies one was very long.
      They were so interesting they made read them
      again and again!

      Bye,
      Princess

  9. Dear 4KM and 4KJ,
    Your descriptive writing was great!
    Did you chose Mrs Morris and Miss Jordan in your descriptive writing because they are your teachers?
    From Jacqueline

  10. Hi 4KM and 4KJ,
    Love the great work guys they were so interesting 😆
    Gosh that one that you wrote Millie was very long
    and interesting. But I really like everyones was
    great.

    I love the way you put guys put some punctuation
    marks in and the way you guys didn’t always put
    then then then and more thens. You know that work is
    like for grade ones or two.

    Bye for now,
    Princess

  11. Hi 4KM and 4KJ,

    This was a great post. I can’t believe there are so many comments on here already. I thought that this was a really fun thing to do and I have been doing it at home.

    I had a little bit of trouble finding some words to describe it but when I read the ones that got put on the blog I was full with them.

    I have to go now but this was a really fun thing to do.

    From Olivia

  12. I loved your students descriptive additions to your non descriptive writing prompt. We do something similar but a suggestion for you to expand on the creative writing activity is to have a learning writing walk where the students can read them all and leave positive comments or also have your colleagues look at them with a rubric and see what they would score them. The students can also score their own writings with a rubric to see if they are meeting the criteria.

  13. Dear 4KM and 4KJ,
    I really loved the way you described the words in your beach recount.You did a wonderful job and it was very detailed.

    Also your blog is very cool and I love the way you put the titles in bold so that you can see it!

    from Amina

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